


Just as Much

by twicesgrey



Category: TWICE (Band)
Genre: Oneshot, Other, dahyun is on a pity party, dayeon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-04
Updated: 2019-09-04
Packaged: 2020-11-01 22:04:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,075
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20522159
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/twicesgrey/pseuds/twicesgrey
Summary: TWICE members are hit with stress and fatigue from back-to-back schedules, flying from Korea to Japan constantly for weeks and it's starting to take a toll on everyone.Nayeon in particular knows she's been snappy lately and Dahyun is at the receiving end of it.Dahyun is just as exhausted as everyone else and her brain starts entertaining thoughts she shouldn't. But can you really blame her when Nayeon treats her differently from the others?When she gets the cold treatment from Nayeon, Dahyun starts believing the rumors. Yeah, maybe Nayeon really hates her.





	Just as Much

Everybody was gathered around in a circle, hands raised halfway up, balled into fists, all eyes cast downward towards the center.

Jeongyeon, to avoid disrupting the few guests milling about the hotel lobby, started the game with a barely audible whisper.

"Rock, paper, scissors."

Everyone looked around. Mina, who found Jihyo's 'paper hand' similar to hers, grabbed Jihyo's wrist and whisked her away to the corner where their luggage were gathered. The 97's, with their huge luggage rolling behind them, bid everyone a good night without looking back.

"Again." said Jeongyeon, now a bit louder. They resumed their battle positions, Momo with the sleepiest and bored stance and the expression of a person who just wants to dive in the nearest bed muttered, "If you wanna room with me, use rock."

"Rock, paper, scissors." Jeongyeon said hurriedly.

"Let's go." Momo said without looking and headed towards her luggage, Chaeyoung and Tzuyu followed behind her like adorable little pups.

"And then there were four." Sana, who was, as always, excited for the littlest things, balled her fist, put one foot forward, and leaned her body as if she was ready to bolt the moment she paired with someone.

"Rock, paper, scissors." Four open hands gathered in the middle.

"Rock, paper, scissors." Three rocks, one scissor.

"Rock, paper, scissors." Three scissors, one rock.

"Does nobody want to room with me so the game can end." Nayeon asked rhetorically. "I'm going to pretend I'm not seeing a pattern here." she said with a soft pout.

"The room with three beds has just been taken. I should've fought Chaeyoung for that." Jeongyeon said while looking at Nayeon.

"My next move will be rock. Try to avoid it." Nayeon deadpanned.

"Rock, paper, scissors" Two rocks, two scissors.

The 230's automatically reached for each other’s hand and walked off together.

Nayeon sighed and headed to the last two remaining luggage standing by the corner.

Dahyun followed her, carting her huge luggage with her tiny frame.

"Hurry up." Nayeon grumbled.

All of them were exhausted. Their schedules were pretty tight around this time every year but it was starting to take a toll on everyone. They tried to keep things fun and made it a point to at least have a meal with all nine of them or else everybody would start reaching their breaking point.

The four gathered by the elevator, waiting for it to arrive.

_ **ding** _

They started to move as soon as the elevator doors opened.

The elevator was huge even with the four of them and their not exactly small luggage. Jeongyeon checked her watch. It was already past two in the morning.

Nayeon leaned her head against the elevator wall, closed her eyes, and tried to figure out if there was a way to create a robot that could remove her make up for her during times like this, when she can barely stand up or keep her eyes open.

Unbeknownst to her, instead of just thinking about it, she apparently had said it out loud.

Dahyun offered "I can help you if you'd like."

** _ding_ **

Nayeon, barely opening her eyes, stood up as straight as she could, grabbed her luggage and stepped off of the elevator and stood still in the middle of the foyer.

Jeongyeon and Sana went left while bidding Nayeon and Dahyun goodnight.

Dahyun gently reached for Nayeon's luggage handle and tapped a spaced out Nayeon gently on the arm.

"Unnie, our room is this way."

Nayeon blinked once and started to walk slowly in the direction Dahyun was pulling them towards.

They stood in front of their room door. Nayeon could barely make out what was happening. She could see Dahyun was struggling with their key card. The door wouldn't open and every attempt Dahyun made to open it failed. The lock kept beeping and every time it did, the annoying sound chased away Nayeon's sleepiness bit by bit, and annoyance started to creep its way in.

"Please hurry." Nayeon knew she was being rude, she knew Dahyun was just as exhausted, but her weariness was winning a battle with her moral conduct. She hung her head in shameless defeat as soon as she heard Dahyun's soft apology.

She'll apologize properly tomorrow she thought to herself.

The door opened and Dahyun hurriedly moved aside and gestured for Nayeon to go in first.

Nayeon had completely spaced out. She hadn’t even thought of her luggage until she was standing in the middle of the room, looking for the bathroom.

When she turned around, she found Dahyun had put her luggage down against the wall at the foot of her bed, a safe spot where if in case she woke up in the middle of the night, there'd be no chance of her tripping over it. _This kid is really considerate_, she thought.

She approached Dahyun who was kneeling in front of her luggage figuring out how to open it.

"I'll do that." She didn't mean for it to sound so deadpanned and ungrateful almost and if she had the energy, she'd hit herself in the back of the head for that. She knew that exhaustion was no excuse to be rude, she knew better, and reminded herself to treat Dahyun better and apologize with a box of chocolate. Perhaps she'd buy her a huge box of chocolates that Dahyun really liked.

Dahyun hurriedly stood up and moved away. Nayeon opened her luggage and proceeded to take out some clothes to sleep in and her makeup removal kit.

"Unnie, you can use the bathroom first." she heard Dahyun say.

Nayeon grumbled her thanks and dragged herself to the bathroom to wash up.

Nayeon had no idea if time flew or slowed down. She was doing her nightly routine half asleep. Everything felt automatic. Like how you'd fold clothes or brush your teeth. Simple tasks you've been doing your whole life that you can easily accomplish mindlessly even while watching television and having a full conversation with someone.

She didn't even know how she got in her bed. All she was aware of was that the bed was soft; the pillow cases were silky, almost cold against her cheek and the faint sound of the shower running.

Nayeon gathered every ounce of energy she had left to go under the heavy duvet.

This is heavenly, Nayeon thought to herself. She'd crack a smile if she had any more energy for that.

Nayeon wasn't sure how many minutes or even hours had passed. She was sure she had fallen asleep. She didn't understand why she was suddenly awake. Or was she dreaming? She didn't move nor open her eyes, but she could hear soft sniffling. Crying. Someone was crying that she was sure of. She can't mistake that sound. Nayeon's eyelids were so heavy she didn't even attempt to open them.

Another sniffle.

Now she was sure she wasn't dreaming.

Then she heard a soft sob. Dahyun. Dahyun was crying. She was about to move to check on her roommate but another heart shattering sob stopped her. She's never heard Dahyun cry like that. It was so quiet but that single sob Dahyun tried to suppress was so heartbreaking she felt her heart skip a beat.

"Unnie, I'm sorry." Dahyun said in the tiniest voice.

_Why? What is she apologizing for?_

"I'm going to say this now because you're sleeping. This way you won't hear me and you won't have to worry about my dumb feelings."

Nayeon's heartbeat started to race. She wanted to move but she also didn't want to disrupt Dahyun who was obviously gathering every ounce of courage to let her feelings out.

"Unnie, I'm so sorry. I know I'm your least liked member and I know why."

_Wait, what-_

"I know I don't really add anything to the group. I mean, I'm aware I'm just the token member. The one you can take out of the group and it won't make a difference. I do know you all appreciate my efforts but I also know that a group is only as strong as the weakest link."

_Please let this be a dream..._

"I'll work harder, Unnie. Please don't worry. I know you were exhausted earlier. I just wanted to help you, I hope you don't mind me helping you out with your luggage."

_I don't mind. I'm really grateful to have you, kid._

"Remember when people started saying you didn't like me from the beginning? I didn't want to believe it because I know you and you're not that kind of person. But sometimes, I can't help it. When I come in the room, you leave. When I'm playing around with the other members you give me a look. I'm probably annoying you, arent I?"

_No, no you aren't._

Dahyun's soft chuckle sounded wrong. It wasn't funny. It was awful and it was breaking Nayeon's heart into tiny unrecognizable pieces. Nayeon pressed her lips together to stop herself from sobbing when she felt her tears running down to the side of her face. She tried to keep as still as possible.

Dahyun proceeded to whisper talk, probably thinking she was still asleep, not wanting to wake her up. "I don't know why I torture myself, but I read mean, negative comments sometimes. I think it keeps me a bit grounded. They say there are always members in a group who don't get along or just pretend to be close for show and they always say it's the two of us because I always overdo everything and that annoys you."

_Don't listen to them._

"I really like you. You’re one of my favourite people that I really admire and look up to. Unnie, from now on, I'm going to be more mature. I'm going to stop annoying you and work harder so you can be proud of me so fans don't always have to defend me for being the token member. The group doesn't need more people saying mean things because I know it hurts members like you who are talented. You don't deserve any of it."

"Tomorrow, I'm going to be Kim Dahyun who is more responsible, doesn't hog the spotlight when we're in front of the camera, and help all the members whenever I can. I'm going to be someone you'd never regret having on your team."

_You're already the best little Ajhussi I know. You don't need to change anything._

"Honestly...I just want your affections too just like you are with Chaeyoung and Tzuyu. I see how much you adore them and I love that. Sometimes I'm jealous too. How much you laugh with Momo unnie or try to catch Mina unnie's attention. How you adore Sana unnie even when you're tired and she gets loud. I want that unbreakable bond that you and Jeongyeon unnie and Jihyo unnie have. If I can't then at the very least, I don't want to be a burden to you and the others."

_You're not. You never were and you never will be._

"Please love me just as much. I'll work hard for it, I promise."

Nayeon has never known heartbreak like this. All this time she thought so differently of their maknae. Her maknae. She had no idea Dahyun had these thoughts and feelings.

_Please love me just as much._

Dahyun's words kept resonating in her mind. Dahyun confessing her feelings with her stuffy nose made Nayeon's chest hurt.

She could hear Dahyun settling to sleep. Nayeon was exhausted but the pain in her chest was going to keep her awake.

Nayeon had no idea how much time had passed or when she fell asleep but when she woke up, Dahyun's bed was already made. No sound of movement. Dahyun's luggage was still there. Hers was still open by the foot of her bed. Nayeon sat up and tried to recall the events of last night.

She looked at Dahyun's bed and everything came rushing back to her, the onslaught of emotions leaving her with a hollow feeling in her chest.

_Please love just me as much_.

* * *

Nayeon headed down to the hotel restaurant where everyone was gathered according to the group chat messages.

She felt odd. Exhausted, hollow, and uneasy. She was glad her eyes weren't as puffy as she'd expected after all the crying she did last night.

It was a bit late so the restaurant didn't have that many people having breakfast.

As soon as she entered the restaurant, the smell of breakfast food assaulted her. Typically she'd be hungry but after last night, she had no appetite this morning. She felt queasy and her stomach was in a riot with her heart and her brain.

She spotted eight colorful heads that stood out sitting at a long table near the almost floor to ceiling windows. Nayeon was suddenly nervous when she saw Sana animatedly talking to someone in front of her - Dahyun. The seat on Dahyun's left was empty. She'd take that one.

On her way down, she thought of a way to approach this. To not make things awkward and start worrying the others, or even making Dahyun uncomfortable, she'd go about things as she usually does.

Sana spots her right away. "Unnie!" she called brightly.

Jeongyeon was the second to notice her, and subtle, Jeongyeon was not. "You look like crap."

Nayeon knew her eyes gave her away.

"Thanks." Nayeon said as if she doesn't care what Jeongyeon thought of her.

Nayeon was about to take the empty seat beside Dahyun when Dahyun suddenly got up and startled Nayeon.

"Unnie, I'm getting Sana unnie some juice. Do you want anything?"

Nayeon tried to be as subtle as possible as she checked Dahyun.

_Nope, she looks like her usual self. Maybe I did dream everything last night_.

"What's good?" she asked while sitting down.

"Everything" Jeongyeon answered while stuffing her face with a huge pile of thinly sliced ham on bread with egg and some sort of sauce.

"Dahyun mixed some juices together and it tastes really good. You should try it." Sana recommended.

"Sure. I'd love that." Nayeon said and then looked up at Dahyun.

"Okay." and Dahyun was off.

Nayeon followed Dahyun with her eyes while listening on to the other members talking.

She finally faced the group and noticed Dahyun's plate was already empty.

"Dahyun wouldn't eat."

Nayeon looked up to find Sana looking at Dahyun's plate as well.

"She was on her way out to buy something when I bumped into her earlier. I told her we're all having breakfast as planned but she said she wasn't hungry. Can you believe she said she wasn't hungry? What a lie. So I said I'll let her go if she ate just a tiny bit. So I put food on her plate and she wolfed everything down pretty fast like she's running away from something."

_Running away from 'someone' and I think I know who that someone is,_ Nayeon thought to herself.

Before Nayeon knew it, Dahyun was back with two glasses of juice. Sana grabbed hers immediately and in her effortlessly cute voice thanked Dahyun. The other glass was placed in front of her.

"Do you want anything else? I can get it for you." Something painful squeezed around Nayeon's heart.

_Please love me just as much._

She almost choked up. Recovering quickly, she told Dahyun "I'll have this for now. Thanks."

Nayeon was hyper aware of everything that morning, particularly of Dahyun's every move. Instead of sitting back down, Dahyun went to the recently vacated seat beside her and pulled out the chair further to grab her backpack that was sitting on the floor, put it on before tucking the chair gently back under the table.

"See you later." Dahyun said to no one in particular while adjusting the left strap on her bag.

There was a collection of take care's and come back right away, and call if you need help.

"Are you going by yourself?" Nayeon asked.

"Yes, unnie."

_Okay, this is way too formal and I don't like it._

"You need company? I can go with you."

"I'm good." Dahyun declined politely and waved goodbye.

_This is not good._

* * *

They were in the rehearsal room as rehearsals were scheduled to start at ten am and Nayeon hasn't seen Dahyun yet. She checked the time on the wall clock and it was already 9.55. The door swung open and Dahyun came in. Nayeon felt relieved.

"Dahyunnie, did you get everything you needed?"

"Yes, I did. I'm sorry I'm late."

Dahyun answered formally, avoiding eye contact. Nayeon watched her drop her backpack in the farthest corner of the room and started stretching.

"It's okay, you're not late." If this was some other normal day, Nayeon wouldn't think anything of this. Looking around, everything and everyone looked pretty normal. Except Nayeon and the emotional turmoil she was going through.

Rehearsals started exactly at ten. Everyone was visibly exhausted but working hard as usual. She tried to focus on rehearsals but tried to look after Dahyun as much as possible. Everything looks almost the same. Nayeon goofed around and talked with the members and staff. Everyone chatted and has been their usual selves, except for Dahyun.

Dahyun didn't even crack a single smile, not the genuine kind anyway, made one joke or talked even a tiny bit unless someone asked her something. When she spoke, it was usually just a word or two or a small nod. Again, it would seem normal, Dahyun was pretty good at pretending if need be, that, Nayeon knew.

During breaks, Dahyun would get a drink and go out then come back right away. Every time Nayeon tried to approach her, Dahyun found a way to be conveniently unapproachable.

Even during lunch, Dahyun barely touched her food. She pretended to be busy eating but also found a way to offer bits of her food to the others, in the end, her plate was empty. Making it seem like she ate a lot.

By the end of rehearsals, Nayeon was sure that Dahyun was avoiding not just her, but everyone else.

When everyone was planning to go have dinner, Dahyun excused herself and said she wanted to sleep early.

Nayeon let her, figuring she needed time to herself.

Later that night, when Nayeon got back to their room, she found Dahyun asleep.

Nayeon went about her nightly routine as quietly as possible to not wake up her roommate.

Before dozing off, she looked at Dahyun. Nayeon realized she looked so much younger when she's sleeping.

Nayeon felt that pang again. Tomorrow she's going to do better too. She's going to prove to Dahyun that she loves her just as much as the others.

* * *

Things did not go according to plan. They had schedules together but everything was so tight they barely saw each other, let alone interact, throughout the day.

Nayeon tried to be subtle, asking around about Dahyun. Again, Dahyun barely ate anything. Didn't talk much unless prompted and was her usual respectful self with staff.

It was their last night in Japan and they all planned to have dinner together.

While waiting for everyone to gather in the lobby, Nayeon took a seat beside Jihyo.

Without looking away from her phone, Jihyo asked "what's going on?"

"What do you mean?"

"You seem distracted."

"I am?"

"Yeah."

"Just tired."

Jihyo finally stopped using her phone and looked at her, really looked at her. Nayeon knew that Jihyo can tell she was lying but didn't prod further.

_I want to have that unbreakable bond you have with Jeongyeon unnie and Jihyo unnie._

Nayeon knew she had her shortcomings when it came to Dahyun. She doted on Chaeyoung and Tzuyu. She forgot Dahyun was their maknae too. She just always thought Dahyun can hold her own, not that the younger ones couldn’t. Dahyun seemed like she didn't need anyone. She was smart and was naturally amazing at things only she can do in their group.

She knew Dahyun was aware of the things she lacked and all of them knew full well what people were saying about them. Sometimes, it got to them. They comforted each other during those times, had each other’s back. They were each other’s support system.

But Nayeon had no idea Dahyun had feelings like that. Her idea of being worthy of Nayeon's affection was to be less existent in Nayeon's line of sight. It was messed up. But she knew where it was coming from. Why Dahyun felt that way. She understood. Dahyun felt she was annoying in Nayeon's orbit so she's trying to fade into the background - out of sight, out of mind.

She hated it. She wasn't letting a day go by with Dahyun feeling the way she did.

They were only waiting for Mina and Dahyun. When the two came down, everyone else stood up and started filling out. Nayeon tried to make her way to Dahyun but apparently, the latter had decided to plaster herself on to Mina's side.

If the two of them were left together, Nayeon thought, they'd never come out of their room. The only conversation that would be had will be "what are we eating for lunch?" then one will watch movies throughout the day and the other will sleep the day away.

Nayeon had to try harder.

At the restaurant, Nayeon found a way to sit near Dahyun. She wanted to sit beside her but she got a better spot instead, a seat in front of Dahyun.

Dahyun was quiet, barely made conversation while Mina played around with Jeongyeon who was sitting to Mina's left, scarfing noodles.

The wait staff offered them menus and Nayeon looked for food she knew Dahyun liked best and ordered them. Dahyun found a way to not talk throughout dinner, barely ate (again), and didn't engage in conversations.

"Dahyunnie, let's get some chocolate at the convenience store before we go back to the hotel."

Dahyun looked a bit shocked at her offer which in turn surprised Nayeon.

_I'm an awful unnie._

"Okay."

An 'okay' was so much better than "yes, unnie."

When they decided to leave, Nayeon extended her right hand towards Dahyun, who reluctantly took it with her left hand.

Nayeon laced their fingers together and raised her arm to rest around Dahyun's shoulder, enveloping her and at the same time keeping Dahyun close to her while walking out of the restaurant.

They stayed in companionable silence on their way to get snacks. Nayeon thought it felt nice. Things are starting to fall into place.

She asked Dahyun what kind of chocolate she wanted.

"That chocolate ice cream we had last time was good." Dahyun quietly answered.

"Then that's what we'll get."

Nayeon never let Dahyun leave her side. After paying for their ice cream Nayeon opened a pack for Dahyun, handed her the ice cream and looked for a bin to throw the wrapper. The only time she left Dahyun's side.

When she got back, she saw Dahyun exactly in the same position she had left her. Like a little kid standing still with an ice cream in her hand for the first time in her life. Nayeon looked at her. After everything they've been through, she's still a kid. A tough, smart cookie who she never thought she'd needed in her life but thinking about it now, would never have wanted it any other way.

Nayeon watched Dahyun bite into her ice cream with a tiny smile.

_There's the smile I missed._

She slowly walked towards Dahyun. "Good?"

"Mhmm," Dahyun answered before lowering her head. Nayeon noticed Dahyun's shoulders suddenly shake once. Then a sniffle followed by a soft sob.

Nayeon wasted no time and wrapped Dahyun in her arms. She felt one of Dahyun's arms wrap around her waist tightly.

"Is she crying?" Captain Obvious Minatozaki asked and the other members started gathering around them.

"I'm not buying you ice cream again if you don't stop crying." Nayeon joked after kissing Dahyun on the head.

"Why are you crying?" Jeongyeon asked, looking a bit concerned.

Dahyun lifted her head at the same time showing off the ice cream in her hand "This ice cream Nayeon unnie bought for me is the best." and then proceeded to ugly cry while the members filled the streets with their laughter.

The evening was nice and the weather was even nicer but the company Nayeon had, was the absolute best.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading and I hope you enjoyed it.
> 
> For updates on future releases, you can find me on twitter.com/twicesgrey


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